He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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