M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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