halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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