I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
