he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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