I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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