Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
