Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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