You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
