i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
