My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
