Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
