my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
