I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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