A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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