Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
