how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
