I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
