HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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