I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
