but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
