I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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