The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
