I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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