Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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