I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
