Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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