Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
