I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
