Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
