Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
