Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
