He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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