Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
