i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
