soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
