worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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