Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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