had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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