Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
