I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
