is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
