I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
