Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
