**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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