Pants 0. Shit 1.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
