The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
