Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
