They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
