god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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