i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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